Why Yes, Structure Can Help Us Explore Our Desires
...a meditation (+ritual) for the new moon in Capricorn
Before We Begin
One of my favorite poems by one of my favorite authors, Carmen Maria Machado, that is full of longings
“They reveal who we are, what it is that we long for, and what our emotional needs are” - Mariëlle de Goede, a psychologist and researcher from Amsterdam, when talking about fantasies on this episode of the Sex and Psychology podcast
This year I’ve been trying to have an orgasm a day. It doesn’t have to be anything earth shattering, and I don’t have to spend a lot of time on it…I just want to cultivate an engagement with my own body, my own erotic imagination, my own sexuality.
I’m only nine days in, and I already missed a day or two, so I don’t really have enough data to tell you if it’s making any far-reaching changes in my life, but what I can say is that just having this goal has objectively resulted in me having more orgasms and spending more time with my fantasies.
Like the other night, I probably would have just kept watching True Blood, but since I have this goal, I made it a point to turn off the show and actually take time exploring my body. I suppose this wasn’t too difficult given that the two sexy supernatural men fighting over one person situation is definitely one that I find hot – but still, it was a moment where I had to remind myself of this little goal I’ve set.
…Cue this new moon.
Taking place on January 11th at January 11, 2024, at 3:57 AM PT, this particular new moon is in Capricorn.
While Capricorn certainly isn’t known for having the sexiest of energies (I say this lovingly as a Capricorn ascendant and as someone with a lot of planets in this sign), I think the energy of Capricorn – and the particular energy of this new moon – can be helpful for our sex lives. Capricorn is all about responsibility and structure, and this moon is, a good time to surrender to the natural rhythm of those energies and to plant seeds for what you want to come into fruition.
In the words of Emily Trinkaus of The Embodied Aquarian Age Substack, “We’re advised to stay focused on what we’re creating, take radical responsibility for everything in our experience, and clean up whatever we’ve been avoiding or procrastinating.”
I know that when you think about having better sex, you’re probably not thinking about responsibility and structure. You’re probably thinking about spontaneity, passion, exploration, all the new relationship energy type of things.
…While those can be wonderful, and sometimes they do indeed happen, adding some structure to the exploration of our solo and partnered intimacy can actually be a game changer – especially if we want to explore our desires.
For this new moon, I created a meditation (+ritual) for paid subscribers that will explore the idea of adding some structure to the exploration of our fantasies and the deeper emotional desires that are contained within them.
I hope that this practice helps you on your explorations: to witness your fantasies, to reduce any shame you might feel about them, and to support you in deciding what further steps you might want to take to explore them.
Before we go to the meditation & journal prompts, a few mentions:
Thank you to new and old subscribers! I’m grateful you’re all here <3
If you’re interested in going deeper into the energy and astrology of this particular new moon, you might check out this short podcast episode from Oak Astrology or the full Substack post for the new moon in Capricorn from Emily Trinkaus.
If you haven’t checked it out yet, this month’s workbook on thecuriousclit is all about cultivating our desires. It has somatic practices, rituals, poems, activities, and more to support you on this journey.
Next week I’ll be releasing a more personal essay on the topic of fantasies (!). It’ll be available for all subscribers, so if you’re not subscribed already, you might want to do so now so you’ll get it right to your inbox ;)