March Explorations: Learning Your Body's Language
.... somatic practices, writing prompts, a tarot spread, and more to help us tune into what our bodies are trying to say
When it comes to exploring sex, do you know what a yes feels like in your body? A no? A maybe?
If you’re not sure, you’re not alone — this is something that I am still very much trying to figure out as well. Since I’ve been actively working on my healing over the past few years, I’ve been really trying to feel into what my body is saying in different contexts, and whew, what a wild ride that has been.
There have been all the in-person yoga practices where I’ve tried to decide whether I actually wanted to do the pose that the teacher was offering, or whether I felt obligated to do them because the teacher was telling me to do it and the rest of the students were doing it.
There was the time with my ex partner where we were doing a kink scene and I had to use the safe word because I realized that being in the submissive mindset wasn’t working in my body.
There have been multiple times on the bus where men sit next to me and start acting in ways that make me feel uncomfortable, and I have had to decide whether I’m going to honor my extreme discomfort and find a new seat, or whether I’m going to stay where I am.
There were the freezing December nights spent wondering around the streets of a town in France with a person I had met because I really liked him and wanted to be physically close but was scared shitless about being intimate with a new person again.
I think that while our yeses, nos, and maybes might sometimes feel very clear, there are many times where they might not — especially when you add in contextual factors from our past and present.
For me, I know that lingering religious shame and the symptoms I experience as a result of sexual trauma often make my yeses, nos, and maybes feel very muddy. I’m discovering that I often have to weed through all the body sensations and emotions I feel in order to understand what is going on.
For example, that throat constricting that I’m experiencing, is it due to the way that past traumatic experiences are impacting my ability to interpret the reality of the present, or is there actually some danger that I need to be aware of? That excitement I feel in my belly, is it because a person is making me feel a healthy sense of being desired, or is it something feeding into the struggle that I’ve had my entire life with my self worth, the struggle that has contributed to me saying yes to things I do not want? Am I feeling that chest tightening of hesitancy because I actually don’t know if I want to do something, or is it the good ‘ol religious shame surfacing to tell me that I shouldn’t be engaging in that particular activity?
As we’re navigating the world and our sexuality, I want us to feel safe, and I want for us to be able to recognize our nos, see our yeses, and take time with our maybes and all the possibly complicated reasonings feeding into them. I want us to be able to offer gentleness towards ourselves when this process is challenging, the moments where perhaps we aren’t able to communicate what’s going on with us to our partners as clearly as we might like.
I also want us to be rooted in the foundation that are nos and our maybes are worthy of being respected - that we all deserve responses that are in the spirit of thank you for taking care of yourself, that we never deserve to be pressured or coerced into doing things we don’t want to do.
I’m a little late for getting this guide out, but all throughout March here on thecuriousclit, we’ll be doing exactly that: exploring what it is like to tune in to what our bodies are communicating to us and using this as a foundation upon which to move in our sex life, all so that we can experience a greater sense of safety and pleasure.
This guide contains:
an oracle card for the collective
an everyday somatic practice to include in your routine
adult sex ed: exploring our yes’s, no’s, and maybes
a pre-recorded yoga practice
yes/no/maybe activity
questions for reflection
candle magic ritual
poetry & fiction writing prompts
a tarot spread
suggestions for a poems,a podcast, a TV show around this month’s theme
I invite you to take your time in moving through this guide. Exploring our body’s language can bring up a lot for folks, so feel free to follow the activities in order, jump around, or skip whatever activities you would like!
It’s your body, your practice, and your choices are always welcomed and celebrated in this space.