7 things I'm thinking about this rainy Wednesday
Uber Eats delivered goodies, the chess scandal you're not expecting, a surprising difference between Europe and the US, a downside of being a digital nomad, and more!
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1. On September 4th, which is World Sexual Health Day, Uber Eats revealed some data about Canadian sexual wellness purchases that were made on the app. By the picture at the top of the article, I was quite excited, thinking it would be about vibrators, but no: the most popular items were emergency contraceptives, followed by pregnancy tests, water-based lube, ultra-thin lubricated condoms…and in last place were Dual Ring Vibrators (like this one). I felt kind of sad thinking about the panic buys of emergency contraceptives and pregnancy tests, not gonna lie, but I’m also happy that people were purchasing condoms and at least one type of vibrator.
2. So apparently last year a chess champion accused another player of cheating…and then a rumor started that he had cheated using anal beads. The player filed a lawsuit, which got thrown out in the courts, and they just negotiated a private settlement. If you’re thinking wtf, so was I!
3. Last month I spoke with my good friend Taralyne for thecuriousclit podcast. We chatted about hook up culture and so many things. At one point during our conversation, she talks about trying to figure out how to get turned on when she’s not thinking about current and past experiences. “The thing that turns me on the most is pleasuring my partner and making my partner feel good. When it’s just me, I have to learn how to be in tune to my own feeling and be able to have an orgasm based on how I feel.”
We talk a lot about being socialized as women and how we’re taught to think about other’s needs above our own – which bleeds into our sex life, often causing us to be hyper-focused on making our partners feel good and to forget about our own needs, our own pleasure. Taralyne asks the question “How can we ever have a partner please us, if we don’t even know how to please ourselves?”, which gives me chills every time I hear it. You can listen to the whole episode here.
4. What Christina Ricci wrote on Instagram in response to Danny Masterson being sentenced to 30 years in prison for rape and Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis trying to defend their letters of support. Without naming any names, she said, “So, sometimes people we have loved and admired do horrible things,” she said. “They might not do these things to us and we only know who they were to us but that doesn’t mean they didn’t do the horrible things and to discredit the abused is a crime."
5. I had a beautiful conversation with Brandi, my friend and fellow trauma-informed yoga teacher, a few weeks ago. We talked about the healing journey that she is on, including that of her sexuality. Towards the end of the conversation, when I asked Brandi if she had any advice for survivors as they navigate their healing and sex life, she spoke a lot about honoring your body and speaking your truth. She said, “If it’s a yes, say yes. If it’s a no, say no. Just be fully present in your body and go with does or doesn’t feel right to you.”
This conversation has been on my mind so much over these past few weeks – Brandi’s story and what she shared made me feel less alone in my own experience of healing from traumatic experiences, and I hope it helps you too. You can listen to it here.
6. Today I was talking to other co-livers in a casual lunchtime chat, and we somehow started talking about pubic hair and then circumcision for people with penises. They (both from Europe) told me that most of the men they have had sex with have been uncircumcised. I think that I have only had sex with one or two people who are uncircumcised in my whole life, and I honestly just thought that Europe would be similar in terms of circumcision rates…but it isn’t.
In the US, the overall rate is about 71%, whereas the rate in Finland is .82%, in France it’s 14%, in Germany it’s 10.9%, in Italy it’s 2.6%, and in the UK it’s 20.7%.
Apparently even in the US it is not as common as my anecdotal evidence suggests. Circumcision rates vary across decades and in regions (which makes sense given that the US is an incredibly diverse place). Rates were highest in the 90s in many places, and they are also high in the Midwest, which perhaps explains why I have encountered so many circumcised penises in my lifetime, since I was born in the 90s and spent my teenage and college years in the Midwest.
If you’re curious about some pros and cons of circumcision in people with penises, you might check out this article.
7. I’ve been staying at a co-living spot in France for about seven weeks now. This has been an absolutely amazing experience in so many ways. Last year I really needed to learn how to be okay on my own, and this year I’m learning how to bring this new self, one with boundaries and a higher self-worth, into social interactions. I’ve met so many wonderful people and felt so much connection and joy…but if I’m being honest with myself (and with all of you), it has not been great for